Welcome to the blog of Jason Christensen - "Life as a Remote User." This blog is intended as a guide to your business and professional development. My goal is to help you be the proprietor within your industry, a purveyor of new ways and a pioneer blazing the trail for growth. This blog will introduce you to fresh thought processes, help guide your vision as you forge forward in your career, allow you to streamline your professional life becoming a more valuable employee and assist you as develop into a mentor for forthcoming generations.

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This Week's Featured Archive Post:

Ambiguity

(Photo: stina jonsson)

This past year, in a conversation with a member of the management, a member of my team was told a decision made on a project has historically been a bad one. The idea had been mine and I could have kept quite and no one known the difference. Instead, I spoke up and said the idea was mine; I had lead the charge on it. The manager questioned my sanity for speaking up, but I explained to him I will always take credit for the good along with responsibility for the bad.

The next week my youngest son got in trouble from my wife for spilling his cereal all over the kitchen floor and my oldest son stood up and said, “Mom, it was not his fault, I made the mistake.” hearing this I stopped what I was doing, came out of my office and took the time to give him a high five and tell him what a great thing it was and how I was proud of him for taking responsibility for his actions. When you are a responsible person you are setting an example for others letting them know you will not abandon them in a time of need and you will be there to support them when the going gets rough.

Raise your hand and be responsible for your actions.

Team Bonding with a Virtual Workforce

(Image: Jason Christensen – Created in PowerPoint)

A growing number of companies are instituting virtual workforces allowing the employees to be closer to their customers and working in a remote environment. These remote employees work distantly from the members of their team and may rarely have in person contact. As a manager you soon learn you can set up a group of employees to work as a team, but that doesn’t mean they will feel like a team.

What’s lacking is the personal bonding. In an office, personal bonding usually occurs with colleagues working side-by-side day after day. Relationships develop; people learn about one another, understand each other’s skill sets, hear about family life and gain perspective of each others personal interests. With so many virtual teams spread far and wide across the globe today; can you still cultivate the bonding experience achieved in an office?

The answer is “yes,” but it is not going to be without challenge, effort and proper systems set in place.

A bond is a close personal relationship that forms between people working toward shared goals using collaborative efforts. So how do you duplicate this in a virtual team environment?

“When everyone works together, things start getting done and the nearly impossible tasks are accomplished.”

Where to Begin

Start with a group meeting in person, if possible. Miscommunication and conflicting expectations often arise early in the project. This formal gathering will allow you to:

• Set goals and objectives as a group.
• Define team roles.
• Establish relationships amongst team members.
• Construct a team identity.
• Build a foundation for trust.

If you are not able to bring everyone together in person, create a virtual environment where the team can gather to collaborate on these objectives. It may not be as effective, but it will begin the process and allow your remote employees to interact on a more personal basis.

Developing Team Goals

The entire team needs to have a clear understanding of their purpose and what they are looking to accomplish. Through collaboration a team can develop the goals and the processes needed to achieve their objectives. As the leader it is important you guide the team making sure their action plan is (SMART):

• Specific
• Measurable
• Attainable
• Relevant
• Timed

By allowing the team to set the goals for themselves it gives them ownership in the process knowing they had a part in the decision making.

Defining Team Roles

The process of team bonding encourages team members to learn how to manage conflict, evaluate group performance, and provide feedback and support encouraging each member to reach their highest potential. In a team-oriented environment, every member contributes to the overall success of the organization. While each person may have a specific job function, everyone is unified to accomplish the overall objective.

Each team member should have a definite role as part of the group and every member of the team needs to be aware of each associates function and responsibility. Having clearly defined roles enhances the understanding of the workflow and increases productivity. Thereby each member of the team understands what the next person in the process needs to complete their task and can be sure to provide them all the facets needed to do their job properly.

Getting to Know Each Other

In your initial gathering you should allow time for people to get to know one another. You should have a round table where each team member takes a few minutes to talk about:

• Who they are.
• Where they came from.
• Family.
• Their interests.
• Life experiences.
• Personal goals.
• Professional background.
• Their role on the team.
• What they are looking to achieve in their career.

These types of discussion will open doors for common bonds between the members of the team allowing them to take interest in one another.

Following these discussions the information should be gathered and posted to a team site. As time goes by people lose track of the information shared and interests change so the site should be easily updatable by each member of the team. A good online forum readily available is Facebook where private groups can be created. This forum also allows each person to upload pictures and other information about themselves creating a more personal, humanizing dimension to people who are otherwise perceived as distant and unconnected.

Building a Team Identity

A common feeling of identity is a vital part of taking your group from solitude to companionship. People have an inherent interest in feeling part of something special. During your initial assembly allow the team to work together in developing a distinctive individuality.

• Team name
• Logo
• Brand

Once developed, use this identity on all project documents, presentations, team sites, and related materials; it will further strengthen the character of the group

Trust Building

Cohesive teams cannot be built without trust. Each member of the group needs to have full faith in the other members knowing each team members is skilled and dependable in his area of expertise. However, trust takes time to grow and mature; so how do you cultivate trust?

If you have implemented the recommendations above you have already taken great strides in laying the foundation for strong trusting relationships. To further nurture the process I have listed a couple ideas I have seen used successfully:

• Start a buddy system, a first source of information. Each team member is a assigned a buddy, preferably one who compliments the others skills and abilities, carefully chosen to be a mentor to one another. This unit relies on each other for answers to questions, advice and general commentary. When the group members utilize the expertise each offers, they understand the value of their counterparts in their roles and enhances their confidence in the group.
• Assign group projects. On a rotating basis pull together members of the team to complete goal related projects impelling them to work closely with one another gaining knowledge of the other team members capabilities and strengths.
• As a manager it knowing the strengths of your team gives you the ability to build the bench strength by delegating. By knowing the strengths of your team, when approached for assistance, you have the ability to ask them to utilize a particular team member who may be stronger than you in the particular area. Essentially you are assigning “go to” guys for particular areas where a member of your team is strong. Not only does this free some of your time, it is also an exercise in building bench strength and most of all it enhances team members confidence in one another.
• Injecting humor, at the expense of yourself helps to break down barriers and creates an understanding with your team you are regular person
• Willful collaboration among team members and sharing information to assist each other in achieving goals is a key attribute to encourage within a team.

As the trust expands through the group, the team members will start support the other members of the team and pick each other up if they start to tumble.

Enhancing Communication

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw

Communication amongst a virtual team enhances the fellowship of the group and should be made as easy as walking over to the water cooler. There are many possibilities to augment a virtual community:

• Shared virtual workspace.
• Online forum such as Facebook.
• SharePoint site to store team files.
• Instant messaging program.
• Weekly conference calls.
• Web Conferences.
• Virtual conference rooms.
• And believe it or not — the telephone!

Celebrate Accomplishments

Nothing is worse than working so hard to achieve greatness and no one ever finds out. It is important to celebrate the wins on a team and send a flag up the virtual flag pole staking your claim. As a leader it is your duty to communicate these wins to everyone who will listen and reward the members of your team for their accomplishments. Congratulatory compliments are a vital part of bonding people on a team. Make the announcements personal and call on the individual(s) responsible to “toot their own horn” in a group setting explaining what they did and how they did it.

Virtual Gathering

One of the greatest challenges with a virtual team is the social solitude people feel outside of an office environment. To offset this seclusion you can coordinate activities which build identity, unity and a competitive spirit within your entire team.

• Hold an online poker tournament.
• Depending on the group, a combat game might be of interest.
• Host a Second Life event.
• Participate in a virtual team farming exercise.

There are many games and social events to take part in over the internet or through electronic gaming devices; pick something fitting of your team which allows them to accomplish a common goal.

Todays virtual environment can be taxing and as a leader you must work hard to unite your group. Personal bonding in a virtual environment is going to be challenging, but the more you can do to develop this connection between group members; the more productive they will be, greater motivation they will have, morale will increase , retention rates will be greater and you will have a strongly bonded team.

What are some methods you have seen used in a virtual workforce situation?

Other Photos:

http://www.headachecare.com/images/goals.jpg

http://www.cheaprevolution.com/the_cheap_revolution/071008_1419_TheAdvantag1.pnghttp://sellitontheweb.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/team_building-300×219.jpghttp://blogs.sun.com/vw/resource/leep_table.jpeg

Betrayed in the Fourth Grade

(Photo: hayitstayler)

It was a begrudging incident the day we voted for fourth grade class officers I remember it well…

The year was 1984; incumbent President Ronald Reagan and former Vice President Walter Mondale were vying for our nation’s top spot. As a practice in politics my fourth grade teacher opened the door for us to campaign as class officers. My chosen position – Class Secretary. My opponent – a cute, kind hearted girl I had befriended since pre-school. We campaigned through the classroom working to secure the votes of our classmates. Election Day arrived and each member of the class cast their votes for President, Vice President, Secretary and Treasurer. Once the ballots were tallied the officers were announced, but wait there was a tie. As it turns out the votes were split 50/50 for the position of Class Secretary. With neither candidate willing to concede the teacher called for a revote. Prior to casting the second round of ballots my opponent the sweet, kind, girl I had known for the majority of my life, who I sat next to in class, leaned over to me and offered an olive branch, “If you vote for me, I will vote for you.” Wow, such a kind offer, a show of support for true friendship by supporting one another, no matter which of us wins we’d know this election, would not come between us.

The second round of voting commenced, the teacher counted the ballots and this time there was a clear winner. The announcement was made, “The winner, by a single vote is…,” we’ll just say, it wasn’t me. Disappointed by the loss, I vowed to go on supporting my friend who I had shared a keen friendship with for so many years. But wait, this just in! Word had spread through the classroom newswire, the vote that tipped the scales in her advantage, was….her own! My long time friend had broken our pact, tricked me and voted for herself. My feeling was that of devastation. How could someone do such a thing? How could my life long friend deceive me? The anguish of this event hit me hard, it was this day I learned an early lesson in life. The lesson of BETRAYAL!

Betrayal can strike us hard, obviously – for me to refer back to this incident from more than 25 years ago. It is a life lesson most of us learn at some point along our path, but not one we easily forget.

Once trust is broken, can it ever be repaired? Sure, but it is not going to happen overnight and it is not going to come easily. Trust can take years to rebuild it is something you have to believe in and work hard at.

What is betrayal?

Betrayal is the breaking or violation of a presumptive social contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship.

Resolving Betrayal
The first question should be, “Do both parties want to repair the relationship?” If not, then you cannot force it on them, it is best to move on. Hopefully with time, forgiveness will come.

If both parties are in agreement and would like to move forward rebuilding the relationship then it needs to begin with courageous integrity on behalf of the offender. The guilty party needs to:

• Admit fault.
• State their mistake.
• View the breach of trust from the victim’s perspective.
• Listen to the offended party allowing them to speak without interruption.
• Reflect their feelings, avoiding the temptation to explain your actions. This can have a negative affect leading to a feeling of your insincerity by the injured party.
• Accept responsibility for the violation.

Rebuilding Trust
Can trust be rebuilt? Most likely, with time the wounds will heal. Although steps will have to be taken to rebuild the trust once shared by all parties.

• Set up an agreement going forward stating boundaries for all parties involved.
• Determine methods continuing the relationship without overstepping the bounds.
• Allow time for memory of the incident of to dissipate.
• Make amends.

Aftermath
Even when forgiveness has been granted and reparations have been made, relationships do not always return to normal after violations of trust. The violator often has lingering feelings of guilt, embarrassment and self-consciousness when around the victim. It may take time for the victim’s emotions to wane as well. Full forgiveness may take weeks, months or even years, but if everyone involved is committed to the relationship time will help to heal those wounds.

So, do I resent my fourth grade friend for something that happened so many years ago? No, let’s face it, we were nine years old at the time, I have long forgiven her; in fact she represents to me, someone who alerted me to the stratagem we can experience in life. She taught me early on, trust is a sacred contract between people and once broken, it is not easily repaired. People learn from many of life’s lessons, but few have such a great impact on us as those of trust and betrayal.

Do you have any stories of betrayal? Feel free share, I’d love to hear them.

Get More Done in Less Time

(Photo: margolove)

How are you possibly going to get everything done today? The answer is simpler than you might think. Focus.

We have all been there, it may be an mounting pile of work, a project needing completion, or a customer presentation you have not even started to put together. You may be thinking you are up against an impossible mission, but don’t give up – just stay focused.

Getting Started

Take time to clear your head and relax so you can start with a clean slate and concentrate. Many people find by allowing yourself a calm before the storm, it allows you to enter into your project with a clear head focused on the your desired out come. For me it could be reading a book and having a cup of coffee; others may go for a walk, hit the gym or read the morning paper. Do whatever works for you, but by allowing your mind to calm you are preparing it for what lies ahead.

Get in the zone

As you prepare to take on your day be sure:

• The location is free of disruptions.
• You have everything you need.
• You are prepared.

I will grab something to drink, go into my office, close the doors, tune to my favorite internet radio station, sit at my desk, clear away any distracting clutter and organize for the day. Do what works for you.

Sometimes all it takes is a change of location to really focus, there are times I have packed up my laptop and found a far corner of the local library for some distraction free concentration. Some people enjoy having music on in the background, others do not. I find music gets me in the zone and allows me to zero in on my task. Whether it be music, a change of location or something else determine what works for you and make it happen.

Planning

Task List: It’s best to keep a task list of some sort be it electronic, a note pad, or just a scrap of paper you write your “to do’s” on.

Prioritize and Schedule: Prioritize your task list  by sorting them into urgent, important and non-urgent tasks. If you have trouble prioritizing, use the 80/20 rule (aka Pareto’s law) to determine what the important tasks are.

Staying on Track: Now you have prioritized your day and determined the first item on your list, break it into small pieces. As you do this it will make a large task seem less daunting and as you accomplish each piece you will build momentum as you move throughout the day.

“Your daily schedule helps to focus the mind, holds it steadily to one thing at a time and in the right order. Following a logical sequence tends to eliminate confusion.”

Keep a stringent schedule for your day. As mentioned, I take time in the morning for relaxation so I can come in the day focused. I move right into my projects and phone calls, check and respond email before lunch, come back, work on other projects and phone calls, check email an hour before the day is over, review my next day, prioritize, clear my desk of clutter and I am ready to start the next day with a clean slate.

Not everyone is the same, so when you find a method that works for you, stick with it. Soon you will see you will be getting more done in less time by using focused planning and execution.

More Tips:

• Only check email twice per day. This is not easy to do, but is productive.
• Let your calls go to voicemail knowing you can get back the callers when you decide to break or complete your task.
• Don’t multitask. Multitasking has been proven time and again to be the cause for lack of focus. When you multitask, you never do anything well.
• Inundated with random thoughts? Keep a notebook, task list, or sticky note pad near by. As I am working I have stack of index cards I use. If something pops into my head I write it down knowing the thought is saved there on the index card for later and I don’t mentally have to keep coming back to it.
• Schedule time for future tasks. As new tasks present themselves, put them through Pareto’s Law, prioritize them, and schedule them for the future.
• Rest, eat appropriately and exercise. It has been found these habits are contribute greatly to your level of concentration.

“No, no way, uh-uh, forget it!”

(Photo: massdistraction)

We are pulled in many different directions in life, be it a project at work, a bake sale for school, a volunteer opportunity, you name it. So how do you find time to participate in everything and still find time for yourself and for your family? The answer….you don’t! It is time to just say, “NO!”

It Hurts to Say No

It is not so easy to say, “no.” The word “no” carries with it:

• Guilt associated with not being able to help.
• A struggle against peer pressure and others impression of you.
• Feelings of failure not being able to do all the things you may want.

Let’s face it, You can’t do it all!

Why say, “no?”

We all have goals in life and hopefully you are focused on what you really want. If so, the answer should be an easy one, however saying, “no” is the difficult part. Remember every time you say, “yes” you are taking time from your schedule and essentially saying, “no” to something else in your life. So don’t feel bad saying, “no,” it allows you to have time to concentrate on what is really important to you and…

• Keeps you from burnout.
• Lowers your stress level.
• Allows you more time for other things.

When should I say yes?

Before you can even think about getting good at saying “no,” get clear on what to say, “yes” to in life. If your yes is more time with your family it will mean turning down obligations keeping you away from home. If it’s yes to better health, you’ll need to say, “no” to late nights at work that keep you from the gym. “The firmer your foundation and connection to your yes,” says William Ury, Ph.D., author of The Power of a Positive No, “the less difficult it will be to say no.”

Are there some times you should say, “Yes?” Of course, but before you do, ask yourself:

• Does this fit: my “Yes,” my life plan or my definite major purpose?
• Is this something I really want to do?
• How does saying yes help me?
• How big is the commitment?
• How involved will I have to be?
• Will this event be something reoccurring and fit into my schedule at another time?
• What will happen if I say no?
• If I say yes; what will I have to give up doing to do this instead?
• And this is the KEY question… Am I being asked to do this job because I’m right for it or because I usually don’t say “No”?

How to say, “no.”

You have come to the decision to say, “No,” because is does not fit what you are looking for in life; so how do you do it?

1. Show sincerity. – People appreciate a genuine response.
2. Be direct and don’t elaborate. – No one wants to hear excuses.
3. Be convincing and exude confidence by being firm. – If your answer is no, say, “no,” and mean it.

“Avoid burdening the other person with unnecessary or elaborate excuses. You run the risk of the other person trying to fix the situation. Plus, the more drawn-out the excuse, the less authentic it sounds — and, in the end, it’s really no one else’s business.”

Here are some examples of  ways to say, “no” and why they work:

• “Thank you, I already have something going on at that time.” – Tell them you already have plans for that time.
• “Thank you for the offer, but I am committed to another project.” – Let’s them know you appreciate the offer, but you are committed to something else (ie. Church, charity, school, family, etc,)
• “I’d really love to, but it just does not fit my schedule.” – Shows interest, but let’s the other party know the timing does not work for you.
• “Not at this time.” – Leaves the door open for them to ask you at another time.
• “I don’t want to take on what I can’t fully commit to doing well.” – This is a yes to higher standards.
• Say “no” by saying “yes.” - Lessens the feeling of conflict.

Don’t be ashamed or feel guilty about saying, “no.” Take pride in knowing you are remaining committed to your values and are doing what is important to you and your family. You’ll be stronger for it. Even better, you’ll be a more focused contributor to the people and things that matter to you most.

What are some other ways to say no?
Do you think you should ever say, “no?”

Article Title Source: Parents Just Don’t Understand - DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince

Trust me.

(Photo: SFview)

How do you trust someone you rarely see? When leading a virtual team it is important to build a trusting environment for everyone involved. When there is trust people tend to excel, grow, and hold a strong commitment to the company.

Building trust and maintaining it is one of the unique challenges that virtual teams encounter. Without a lot of face time, it is very difficult to create the relationships that are necessary for success.

Relationship Development

Trust is an important factor in relationship development. Like any good relationship things take time to grow. When your team is remote and you do not see them face-to-face this can be especially challenging. Make the time to work with each of them personally. Be sure to contact them weekly even if it is just to touch base. A one-on-one call will let them know you are thinking of them and will be there help should anything come up.

Keep in mind; this may be something you have to ease into if you have not shown an interest in the past; otherwise they may think you are prying and become suspicious. So take it slow, work to re-develop those relationships and with any luck it will lead to stronger bonds.

Availability Through Communication

With differences in time zones, varied schedules, and the lack of physical presence it can be tough to have a so called “open door” when you lead a team of remote users. As a leader you need to be cognizant of this a do everything you can to make yourself available. After all how can your team trust and rely on you if they are never able to reach you?

• Always take their calls or return their calls promptly.
• If you only have a moment, let them know and schedule a definitive time to speak with them further.
• Hold weekly conference calls to allow for corporate communications, success and improvement stories as well as an open forum for issues affecting the team.
• Use instant messaging, not only does it allow you to be easily accessible, but it also creates a feeling of fellowship when you can see everyone’s availability at a glance.

Avoiding Speculation

It is easy to loose trust if it seems a member of your team is not holding up their end of the bargain. In a remote situation it things are not always as they seem. Say for example you have called a member of your team several times in one day and have not been able to reach them. Are they taking a nap? Are they running personal errands? Are out doing yard work? Maybe not. It could be they are on the phone or in a meeting with a client. It could be they are working toward an important deadline and not picking up their phone to avoid distraction. Refrain from being presumptuous and make sure it’s not just your perception. If you find this happening with regularity, address the situation and avoid speculation.

Consistency

Consistency is important in developing trust with a virtual team. It is important to:

• Hold regular conference calls or video conferences for the team to communicate with one another and feel as if they are sharing the same conference room.
• Have monthly or quarterly in-person meetings if possible. To allow rapport to build through face-to-face conversations as well as team building exercises.

Part of consistency is holding yourself and the group to distinct timelines by:

• Providing agendas before the meeting.
• Sending information in advance.
• Starting and ending on time.
• Adjust meeting times to accommodate varied time zones
• Providing facilitative leadership.

Reliability

Doing what you say you will do is a principle of great significance. To build trust in a virtual situation, leaders must be responsible and reliable.

Maintaining promises is important. Often when people go sight unseen it is easy to forget their needs. To grow trust you will need to fulfill any promises you make to your team, delivered in full and on time. I have found by keeping a task list using assigned due dates helps to keep you on schedule.

In promoting a team atmosphere the team members not only need to feel they can rely on you, but also the competency of their co-workers.

“We normally develop a respect for co-workers competence, by observing them. When we are virtual, we don’t have this opportunity.”

It is important to work hard at displaying the talents of each team member amongst the group. Some ways to do this are:

• Creating team projects where you group team members together in order to complete projects occasionally so they develop rapport and learn the strengths of one another.
• Instilling a buddy system allowing team members to call each other for business advice and general company questions. This is often best accomplished with veterans and rookie employees as well as employees from different divisions.

Promoting a team atmosphere

Can team members trust each other if they never see one another? Absolutely, but systems need to be set in place in order to allow teams to gather around a “virtual water cooler.” It is vital to promote a team atmosphere even when your team is remote Some exceptional tools you can utilize to connect which help greatly are:

• Instant messaging.
• Weekly conference calls.
• Webinars.
• Virtual conference rooms.
• And believe it or not — the telephone!

While implementing these programs do not forget the personal touches:

• Celebrate team accomplishments.
• Give a “shout-out” when it is someone’s birthday.
• Let the group know when a team member has hit a milestone in their career with the company.
• Take personal experiences from members of the team and tie them into your meeting topics.

Trust is a two way street; the leader and the team members both have to work hard to grow that trust and build dependable relationships with one another. Without the trust factor you are bound for team failure.

What are some trust builders you have done with your team?

How to Say No by Saying Yes

(Photo: Tamie Snow)

It is never easy to tell someone “no.” You are never sure how they will react. They may lose control, they may get angry or they may loose motivation feeling like nothing they ever do is right. Fortunately there is a way to say “no” by saying “yes.”

Have you ever tried telling a two year old he can’t have a piece of candy? If you tell him “no” he might throw a tantrum kicking and screaming on the floor. If you tell him, “I understand you would like a piece of candy. Once your dinner is finished I will be happy to get it for you.” By responding in this manner you have said “no,” by saying “yes.”

Now let’s say a member of your team walks into your office and wants to expense an elaborate trip to secure a new client. Unfortunately you don’t have the budget for such an extravagance. You hate to say “no” to new business, especially in this economic climate, so you say, “I understand you are saying this trip may secure the deal with this new customer. Currently our budget is very tight. What are some other thoughts we should consider in acquiring their business?” At this point you have engaged the employee looking at alternate solutions to the same situation allowing you to steer them away from one idea without having to say “no” and directing them to a more reasonable solution where you can say, “yes.”

This approach is called a reflective response. This type of response allows you to disarm a potential situation by clearly communicating with the requestor.

Here are some tips which can be utilized in a reflective response:

• Listen to what is being requested.
• Reflect their request by using phrases like, “It sounds as if you mean…,” “I understand you are saying…,” “In other words….”
• You may need to further clarify what they are saying by asking non-threatening questions.
• Check to ensure the message is accurate getting their buy-in with a “yes.”
• Be a transparent with the requestor as to the reasoning this may not be the best solution.
• Refrain from actually saying, “no” or other derivatives of the word.
• Engage the requestor by looking for alternatives.
• Redirect the requestor to a viable solution best fitting the needs of those involved.

The reflective response allows you to communicate your respect of the person you are in conversation with and concern for the situation they have brought to you.

Another slightly different approach is the “yes-no-yes” approach.

Take the scenario above with the three year old asking for candy. Instead of saying, “no” to a piece of candy, you could say, “I think candy is a great idea, let’s finish our dinner and we will both have a piece.”

In the office scenario of an elaborate trip, you could say, “I like it! The budget is pretty tight right now, how about this…”

With the yes-no-yes approach it allows you a way to offer your understanding yet still communicate a “no” response in a direct fashion without delving into all the details and reflection.

Some people need a little extra caring attention while others are direct and to the point. Use whichever method best fits the situation and the person you are working with. Utilizing these approaches, lightens the blow of a harsh “no” and allows those involved to be responsive and sensitive to an otherwise tough situation.

What’s it gonna be; yes or no?

(Photo: Johnny Grim)

You have a decision to make and the answer is yes or no. Maybe it will help you get where you are going, maybe it is a temporary solution, maybe it is not the right decision at all. How do you decide?

First, you must have a clear vision of what you desire in life, a definite major purpose. Once you have that, you will know the answer by formulating it based on what best suits your goals.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Will this tie-in directly to my definite major purpose?
• What is my heart telling me?
• How does saying yes help me?
• If I say yes; what will I have to give up doing to do this instead?
• What will happen if I say no?
• Will this be too much for me to handle?
• Will this challenge me?
• Is it the right time for me?
• Is this something I am saying, “yes” to or is it something that makes me say “HELL YEAH!”

If the opportunity does not seem exciting to you, then the answer should be an easy one. Only do what fits your vision and don’t do it if this is not something you are going passionate about.

Happy Birthday Martin Luther King Jr.

(Photo: Chris Abraham)

I have a dream…

Why do we have to argue about this?

(Photo: greekadman)

People often disagree; but why?

People have different thinking. I have my own thinking and I think it is right. Other people also believe in their own thinking, but it may not always be the same as me. So we talk to each other, but sometimes our conversations are intense. - Yoko, a YMCA first year English course student

What does it mean to argue anyway?

It means to contend or disagree in words giving reasons for or against something.

Why do it?

• To express your opinion on a matter.
• To prove a point getting your opponent to agree with you.
• For the sake of arguing.
• To maintain integrity.

What are some reasons you argue?

Hopefully you are able to argue in a civilized manner exchanging structured points of view with others, but often times we become defensive and it becomes more about winning than expressing pertinent standpoints. This can be due to an underlying problem such as:

• Insecurity
• Jealously
• A general distaste for the opposing party

Can arguing be done more effectively?

According to Michael Gilbert in How To Win An Argument:

“In a creative argument both parties are more interested in finding the truth or solving the problem than in being right. When you argue creatively you are interested in your partner’s arguments, and you listen to them carefully to see if there is helpful information or insights. Your partner is also listening to you, and you work together to come up with the best solution or correct answer. Creative argument minimizes the role of the arguers’ egos and maximizes their commitment to inquiry.”

Although an argument may be unavoidable in many circumstances. I would recommend you have arguments for the suitable reasons so something conclusive can come of the discussion, improving your life and the lives of those around you.

Oh you don’t think so? Prove it!

10 Steps to Long Term Conflict Management.

(Photo: Laenulfean)

You are infuriated! The situation is out of control and you just don’t have time to deal with it right now. So what do you do?

Make a plan!

1. Schedule a time to discuss the situation allowing time for the problems to cool off; many things do not get completely settled in the heat of the moment. Choose a neutral location where you both can keep your bearings.

2. Identify the problem. Be calm and civilized with each other. What triggered the issue? Why does it bother you?

3. How did you each contribute to the problem? What did the other person say? What is your version of the story? Try to listen more than you talk.

4. Take ownership of your portion of the conflict. What did you do to cause this? Admit guilt if it is your fault.

5. Collaborate on possible solutions. What is the desired outcome of each person?

6. Discuss possible solutions and how each would fit into the equation.

7. Determine which solution best fits the situation and take action. Choose one resolution come to an agreement on how each individual will contribute toward this solution.

9. Follow up with another meeting to discuss your movement.

10. As each of you comes to a resolution, forgiving and forgetting; take the time for a handshake or a hug allowing growth and camaraderie through conflict resolution.

Do you have any other thoughts?
Are there some problems that just cannot be solved?